The Indian crème de la..... dèbris!!

                                   Blogging on a weekday feels like you're on paid vacation. Think of vacations and the first thing that comes to your mind is clean white sand beaches, picturesque landscapes and all things good, clean and 'firangi' especially. Every time you ask an Indian about their travel dreams, you are ought to hear, "I want to travel the world... not India!" (Heard of Shimla, Kerala, Rajasthan, Punjab, Pondicherry... etc. etc..??)

HELLO!! 

Why not India? If the choices are Bhopal or Nepal, I'm sure the majority will root for the latter destination. 

WHAT? REALLY? WHY? Oh wait, wait.. Let's save the drama for some other day and find out why.

Sharp. Blunt. Grim. Honest.

This will entertain you till the end.

This article is addressed to the dirtiest part of our nation, the quintessential litterbugs of our dear and unclean motherland. One national issue finally where people, irrespective of caste, faith and religion unite... but yes, for something gruesome. 

NOTE: A litterbug is someone who

• Spits in public
• Pees in public
• Defecates in public (sorry Mrs. Vidya Balan, people still turn a deaf ear to your advice)
• Litters the surroundings
• Rapes
• Terrorizes 
• Brings down trees and plants
• Smokes in public.......... and all that we civilized counterparts are ashamed of you people doing. 

-Picture THIS:

A new place that you are wanting to explore on the next vacation sounds like....

• Dirty roads
• Stinky toilets
• Unhygienic places
• Monuments/Heritages in sorry state
• Garbage disposal in the open
• Nobody is ever safe (except foreign Presidents)
• Flies and other insect infested eateries 
• Defecated surroundings even outside malls
• People eager to litter for every chance they get

Would you go to this place? NEVER. Not in a 100 years!

But you know what?? You LIVE here. I have just described the beauty of one of the largest democracies in the world, India. Feel free to read them again!

Why is it so? Well, you say.......

-Firstly, India is dirty. 

CORRECTION: You dirtied India.

Yes, face it. From throwing a small piece of gum wrapper or a bus ticket to teaching us special modern art made on our heritages using 'paan', you are the supreme architect. Now who likes vacation pictures amidst such dirty surroundings, right?

-Indian heritages have lost its sheen.

CORRECTION: You played a big role in that. *Slow claps*

So yes, you and your better half are 'Heer-Ranjha', 'Romeo-Juliet' and all that, but our heritages are definitely NOT your canvas to let the world know how much you love each other. You have Twitter, Facebook, Face time, Whatsapp, BlackBerry Messenger and many more platforms to declare your undying love. Spare the dying monuments.

-Fellow Indians are unhygienic.

CORRECTION: Surprisingly, that's what people opine about you too.

Indians have an amazing skill that people nowhere around the world can even think of boasting: The sheer talent of flying spittle and blowing noses while driving on the roads. Yes, it's only acceptable when they do it themselves. 

-Biogas and garbage disposal is very rural.

CORRECTION: Well then, your mentality is stone-age.

The biggest irony is that it takes doctors, engineers, lawyers, architects and other highly educated professional/corporate bigwigs to litter their surroundings. The lesser educated rural India is doing much better with biogas plants and organic methods of waste disposal.

                                      Every other day, people upload pictures of their participation in the 'Swachh Bharat Abhiyan' holding broomsticks bigger than Harry Potter's! It's a win-win situation for them anyway.. 

One: People think you are humble, good and willing to work for the society.

Two: Publicity.

Three: Some place gets cleaner for a day (just a bonus from the above two points)

Isn't it shameful that a nation with the second highest population in the world needed a visionary leader to tell them to keep their surroundings clean? People are too busy trying for the numero uno spot perhaps! :D

The day is not far when the 'firangis' ask "Was the game 'World of goo' inspired by you people? You know it's so dirty and all everywhere!" OR

"Hey! Do you play treasure hunts in public toilets? Nobody goes in there anyway! It's like Google's page number 20. Nobody bothers going so far.. They get things done way before that."

Cut the crap people! Dirtying your house and singing praises of your neighbor's home doesn't make you any cool. 

Undeniably, you are the the title of this article! The filth of India and the prime reason we do not make substantial progress. Sensible people have hated you, do have and always will. 

This post is so much 'halla bol' it almost seems like a typical Madhur Bhandarkar movie script! ;)

Ending on a filmy note, a scene from a famous Bollywood movie depicts the protagonist saying, "Agar Bapu aaj yaha hota, toh kehta ki iss desh ki toh vaat lag gayi hain boss!"

True that. 

Jai Hind.

The 'Mummyji-Behenji' ideologies...

                           Sometimes you just want to write something and nothing good comes up.. and sometimes when you're not even trying, something amazing crops up!

This post here is dedicated to all men (if you qualify being one), boys, guys, babas and all things male. 

What news do we compulsarily wake up to every morning? 

Physical/domestic/mental abuse and rapes are a staple diet that our leading newspapers provide us with every morning. No, I'm not being a sadist! But life is not always sugar, spice and everything nice right?

HEY! Why is it not like that? Where does all this start? Do we really choose to ignore the subtle ones? WHY???

So this warm afternoon, my whatsapp beeps (well it beeps all the time :D)

My dear friend here texts me saying, "Some creeps saw my picture and i heard them comment about it!! They used such foul language! But it was such a decent picture! Why do all guys have to be jerks?!! Why target me?!??"

Ok yes she's a little hyper and all.. but wait a minute. She has a point somewhere.

Stop searching! She's a woman! The message is obviously hidden! :P

Let's decode a bit... (yes technical language... blame the IT project I'm ignoring right now... Stop staring you minimized window!!)

In this age of selfies and social networking, where people tell you from what they had for breakfast to where they went grocery shopping, how wrong is it for a girl/woman to upload a simple picture of hers? Yes just the 'Naari Shakti'.. haven't heard of men going through this "struggle" yet!

I have friends who upload pictures of celebrities and animals as their profile pictures (you don't look like either of them :/ ) fearing the above mentioned creeps.

And why do women fear them? OH read on!! It just gets funnier from here ;)

So MEN... not all, but SOME pathetic ones have pre-decided stereotypes for women! 

Psst!! We women don't even have pre-decided clothes for a day! :O :/

Let's try to list a few......

-She is good looking........ She has boyfriendS! (Note the plurality) 

-She drinks alcohol.......... She is a s**t!

-She talk to boys.............  She is easy!

-She wears shorts............  She is of a very loose character!

-She goes out at night...... She definitely sleeps with guys!

-She wears a short dress.. She has a bad upbringing!

-She meets friends........... She has nothing better in life to do!

-She has guy friends........ She is sleeping with them all!

-She does make up.......... She just wants to lure every guy she sees!

-She is fun....................... She is just a "gone case"!

-She shows skin.............. She has to sleep with me!

OK stop... because it's like a woman's shopping list... IT JUST NEVER ENDS!

Every girl who reads this will know that nothing is exaggerated and there is nothing to be flabbergasted about. 

To every guy who thinks this is true, I have something to say to you! :)

You are living today because a WOMAN chose to give birth to you.

You are strong enough because a WOMAN cooks for you everyday.

You wear clean clothes because a WOMAN washes them for you.

You live in a well kept house because that's how a WOMAN wants you to live.

You make mistakes because a WOMAN selflessly forgives.

You love your MOTHER, you adore your SISTER, you care for your GRANDMOTHER, you love your WIFE/GIRL, you relied on a TEACHER to educate you, you let a MAID to keep your house spic and span, you pray to a GODDESS to ace your exams.... and so many more roles..

If you can't live without them, least I'd suggest you learn to respect them! 

Yes we are women, we have lady parts, we are beautiful and none of these mean that you own us.

If you think otherwise, it's your BLUNDER, not ours.

Calm your hormones, if you ogle at our body parts, somebody will ogle at your female-related-closely-to-you's body parts! It's a simple give and take karma.   

This post is to all those boys (yes, you aren't MEN yet) out there who think a woman's dignity is based on what you think it should be.

It's not. It just makes it easier for us to differentiate between adolescent boys, barking dogs and true gentlemen! :) (thanks for the silly help by the way!!)

So now you know it doesn't really make that much of a difference as you thought it does..  (self-obsession i tell you!)

So get over yourself. We don't respect you, we just pity your level of intelligence :)

And THANK YOU! It would have been an otherwise boring weekend for me... but making this post was simply FUN!! :D

P.S.: I'm definitely very very very "Oh Not sorry" for what I wrote :D 

A woman sacrifices for a man much more than he could possibly think of. So give respect and take some back! 

Hope this makes it easier for you boys to find out which category you fit into! (Girls really root for the Men... maybe that's your hint!) ;)

and P.P.S.: The title is a little censored... it's trying to be nice :) :D